“I like you being home with me” I lamented to my husband as we made lunch together. “Let’s find a way to make this work.”
Yesterday, I spoke about getting a job. I still need that job because we still need the money, but that doesn’t mean I want to have one. Ideally, I wouldn’t work, but we live in a money driven economy so the next best thing is my own business. I have a lot of smaller pursuits (my writing, for example) that generates flickers of income, but nothing really that brings in much – except for our business. I haven’t been doing a great job at actaully selling our services and have a whole lot of work to do in order to make our dream a reality.
The thing is, I am really determined to make this work. There’s nothing I want more than for us to be able to support our family on a business we built – and we have both the experience and skills to make that happen. What’s stopping me, exactly?
I think fear, mainly. I’m afraid of getting the work and not knowing how to do it. I’m terrified of not knowing the answers to a question. I would be devastated if we delivered something to a client that they hated and thought our services, which we have both been perfecting for the past 8+ years, were not worth the investment. Fear has held me back from properly taking the leap, even if on the surface I tell people I want to do the work. I’m always afraid to close the damn sale.
Today, I know I need to harness that determination. To get back into the work routine and deliver success to myself – no one is going to hand me money without a fight. Today I leave you with a short blog post because I am so very filled with determination that I probably should get to work on something this evening.
It is sink or swim and if I don’t start swimming the only option left will be to get a “real” job in the city and live “that” life – something we’ve managed to avoid for, well, our entire marriage. I am so very determined to ensure that doesn’t happen.
Just the very thought of success makes me smile and getting reinvigorated the way I am is definitely bringing me happiness. Time to get to it!
But first, dessert.