Transition. It’s a word that literally means change. My body, my identity, my life has been in flux for the past 3 years simply due to the inescapable need to realise my gender identity physically. With each passing day I become closer to who I feel I was supposed to be. Hormones, surgery, pronouns – it’s all changed, and yet I remain the same. For me I only feel closer to who I was inside all along.
Right now I’m facing real change. Big change. Change I can’t yet speak of specifically on public platforms. Change that has shook me to my core and upended everything I believed about what I wanted in life. Change that is up-heaving the lifestyle I’ve maintained for over a decade. Painful, brutal, forceful change.
But sometimes change is exactly what we need.
Even when the change is wanted, it’s still challenging. Even when the change is required, it still forces you to climb mountains and part seas in ways you never thought yourself capable. And, in a life of gender identity issues, moving halfway across the country, and 5 complicated pregnancies, this is the most difficult hurdle I’ve faced.
Right now each morning I wake up to face the challenges of the change I brought on. I’m crushed under the weight of responsibility gasping desperately for air. Impatiently waiting for the change to, well, change. To make it worth it.
Things aren’t bad, just hard. Change is good and this one, no matter how life changing, will completely transform my life and my future. I’m happy and welcoming of it. I have people in my life who are supporting me. I have a plan, a good one, one that excites me at every thought.
So, here’s to bittersweet change.